Alright...so, I received a pretty idealistic and pseudo-douchey response from a certain comedian after I asked him a slightly presumptuous and possibly insulting (with no insult purposely intended) question. I'm not blind to the fact that as comedians, most of us are fucked in the head, and the majority can be douchey...but this one in particular is just really bothering me. I know I should just build a bridge and get over it, and I've tried...for over a week now...and I'm still thinking about it (I would just call my therapist who already knows that I am a person who picks through and over analyzes everything, but I decided to give him a break and blog about it instead - lucky you!!) I think I just need to get it off my chest.
To be perfectly fair and honest...I can't figure out if I'm more bothered that I may have insulted someone and that I truly should have known this comedian would most likely turn the show down...or if it was the fact that this is the first time a fellow comedian has made me feel like he/she thinks they are much better than my level of comedian and that I should have known better. In all honesty, I'm not totally sure that this comedian actually intended to make me feel that way...but that was definitely the end result.
I am not a Booker. I do not care to ever become a Booker, however, a few of us local comedians were offered a chance to book the beautiful Bagdad Theater in Portland's Hawthorne District. Many wonderful comedians have worked this Theater (Just to name a few - Mad TV's Matt Braugner, Marc Maron, Andy Kindler, Eugene Mirman, and many, many more) so we were excited to get the chance to invite even more talent to this stage.
Our main goal is to bring a draw (a "big name" or someone that people go to see) because the deal we have with the theater is a door deal (sometimes in door deals, you take the whole door-ticket sales-but we're only getting a percentage) and sometimes, door deals can suck. For instance, if we're selling tickets for $3-$5 a head, and only 50 people come to the show, after you split the money between the comedians...they're left with little, and you're most likely left with none. Now, with that being said...the Bagdad says it seats up to 700. So, with a big name, you could potentially make some money, but of course, it's never a guarantee (as we cannot force people to show up). We were ready to start booking some names and making comedy at the Bagdad come back to life!
I was contemplating who I was going to attempt to book for the July 18th show. There are some big names in Portland who would do it...but they're either out of town or they've done it before (and I sort of wanted to give the audience something new). Now, please keep in mind, that when I say big names, I mean these guys have been on T.V., they've had their go at Last Comic Standing, they've been on Comedy Central, Showtime, etc. and make good money at it. They love comedy, and if they happen to be in town on a night where we're doing comedy at the Bagdad, they would do the show regardless of the fact that they may walk out of the theater with a measly $60. They would do the show not only because they love comedy and stage time is always nice, they would also do it to practice new material, and to help the comedy community.
I was flipping through my myspace friends and a particular person (who will now further be referred to as 'they' and 'them'- you know...because this blog is SOOO widely read and everyone might care enough to try to figure it out hahaha) caught my eye. I knew that they used to, and may still live in the Northwest. They had been on (or may still be) on Last Comic Standing. I watched the first episode where they made it past the auditions, and almost had a little pride that this person was reppin' the NW because they always seemed like a cool person. Granted, I wasn't able to follow anymore of the season, so I was ignorant to the fact that this person was/is actually doing very well.
My first e-mail to them:
Hi(name)!-
My name is Veronica Heath and I'm a Portland Comedian (among other things). A few comics and I were handed the booking arrangements for the Bagdad Theater out here in East Portland. We are trying to figure out who to book for our July 18th one-nighter, and you happened to pop up on the computer screen, so I thought I'd ask you.
I know you just headlined in Washington, but I'm not sure if you are living in California now or not? (Your myspace says L.A., but I know you were a NW comic - we have a few mutual friends, but I keep forgetting to ask them).
Anyhow, I'm not sure if you prefer a different way of contacting you for bookings, if so, please let me know, but I'll go ahead and tell you the details that we know. We would love for you to headline the Bagdad Theater on July 18th. The theater seats approx. 400 people. Here's the sucky part: We basically have a door deal with the theater. They guarantee us $60, or the door - whichever is more. Usually the door is more, and with you headlining, we'd probably get a draw.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and please let me know if you're interested!
(I'm a comedian, not a Booker, so I hope I asked you correctly) : )
Thanks!
Veronica
(Now...keep in mind, I was asking this person under the assumption that they were possibly back in the NW, and weren't working too much as only one show was on their calendar...also, I didn't realize that the theater sat 700 people at this time, I thought it was more like 400...I know, I know, I should have done better research)
Their Response:
well i live in hollywood now.
My schedule is crazy, I would love to help you guys out and dont wanna sound like a sell out but I couldnt do it without knowing Im gonna make at least $2,000.00.
My booking agents charge double that for collages. I dont know what you guys had for a budget but thats my rate at CHEAPEST.
Im sorry if that is too much and understand if you cant make it work.
(Did they really just tell me how much they makes per show?? Seriously? Especially after me saying that it's a door deal and that the theater is only offering us a shitty $60 guarantee?? I work with comedians who have done much more work than this person (Television and media-wise) and who make very good money, and I have never seen them tell a comedian who was attempting to book a room how much money they make in their rejection. Honestly, if this comedian would have just left it at "I do live in Hollywood now, so I wont be able to do the show" I would not be bothered one bit.)
My Final Response:
No problem...just asking, I wouldn't have asked if I knew you were living down south. I didn't see any shows besides the few at (a comedy club) on your calendar, so I didn't think it'd hurt to ask.
Thanks for your time,
Veronica
See, now I feel better. Thank you to any of you that actually read this whole thing. I know that this kind of stuff happens
all the time, and I've already dealt with plenty of dicky-assholes and shitty situations in this industry, but for some reason, this person always seemed like they'd be different. Maybe because the mutual comedian friends we have are so kick-ass, not sure. I have already dealt with and I know that many more disapointments are to come from this industry...and I cand handle them, deal with them, and let them go...this one just happened to stick.
After re-reading what I wrote...I guess the comedian wasn't truly intending to come off as a dick. Maybe what bothered me is that I learned a lesson on booking, and he didn't learn squat..but then again, what do I know? I'm not the one making $4,000 at 'collages'.
